I am a complete emotional reck! You can't tell by my happy attitude but I am really sad and upset. This month is full of happy and sad memories. The leaves falling from the trees, the smell of burning leaves, the pumpkins.. all bring back the memory of Lilly and the events leading up to her birth.
On October 15, 2007, Michael and I rented our first place together as a newly wed couple. All we had to prepare for Lilly, at that time, was a bassinet and clothes, in a small room connecting the kitchen to the master bedroom. But mentally we were prepared for the fact that she might never see the bassinet and clothes. I was attending a Bible study with some girl friend's of mine. They stayed with me one night, when Michael had to work, so that just in case I went into labor they could take me to the hospital and call Michael. Brian Winslow walked me from West 2nd Street to Down On Mainstreet and back nearly everyday. I guess he wanted to meet Lilly as bad as I did. :) I was having a lot of trouble with my feet and legs swelling. I was miserable but I knew that the as long as she was in my belly she was fine.
On October 24, 2007 at 10:00pm I went to the hospital for contractions. Which, of course, went away after the nurse gave me an IV but they decided to induce me anyway because of the Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. Finally, on the 26th is when the Pitosin started to kick in and I started having mild contractions. One of the sadest moments in my life was when the NICU Doctor came into the room and sat down next to my bed and asked Michael and I if we wanted to put Lilly on life support or comfort care. I just cried because reality really truely set in then.. our baby was going to die. At that moment we knew for sure it was going to happen.
We chose comfort care. I wanted everything to be in God's will. And I knew that God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle.
I received an Epidural, which didn't work. So I was in extreme pain and ended up blacking out for a few minutes. I woke up to the doctor and nurses moving me to another bed and telling me to push. The doctor, according to my mother, wasn't very interested in delivering Lilly. She acted almost like it was a waste of her time. I ended up pushing for 23 minutes and finally Lilly was born at 10:56 pm. She didn't cry, which really scared me. I remember saying, "She isn't crying, she isn't crying". I didn't know if she was alive. I had prayed for months for her to be born alive.
They put her in my arms and she was perfect. I remember the doctor coming back into the room to see her. My mom said doctors usually never do that. She wimpered. :( The nurses put an oxygen meter on her foot, which when it got below a certain number it would beep. It beeped a lot. Everyone was so worried about her heart but her heart beat was strong. Michael's family and my family left and went home after holding and loving Lilly. They went home with anticipation of seeing her the next morning. The nurses moved us to a family room in the NICU, where Lilly laid in a bed between Michael and I. She passed away at 4:46 am.
Our family came back to the hospital to say their good-byes.
This is why this month is SO hard. I tell myself after crying myself to sleep that I should be over this by now. I feel like that if I talk too much about Lilly that people will get tired of hearing it. I'm not over it, the tears continue to fall when I'm trying to go to sleep, and I want to talk about her. I haven't cried infront of any of my friends or family in a very long time and I feel like I'm due for a good cryfest.
I also continue to ask the Lord why he chose me for this.. not that I want anyone else to lose their child. This is so hard....
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
*((Fort Dylan))*
For those days of pure discontent and pulling hair out.. a couch cushion fort will calm anyone's nerves for about 30 minutes. :)
I don't know about the imagination your fort brings but Dylan's fort is our protection from huge blue dragons.. let me not forget about the green ones, they breathe purple fire. Love when the imagination runs wild. I'll write a story later. Time for me to hit the sack! Goodnight all and God Bless!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Outreach
This my sister, Sarah Grace! I use to HATE when my sister, Sarah, would 'preach' to me. I would think,'She thinks she is better then me'.. I didn't recognize she was trying to express her love and concern, instead I thought she was being judgemental. What a great way to reach out to people?! Without saying anything, you minister by writing your testimony on cardboard. "I Was Blind" I can relate to this cardboard sign in SO many ways...
Many people have been where I was. When I was 20 years old, I lived in Greenville, NC, downtown of all areas. It was the first time I had ever gone clubbing. Which after the first time, I had to go every weekend and then it was every thursday, friday, and saturday nights. I remember one night getting so drunk in a club, I got sick in the bathroom. {{EMBARRASSING}} That is just the beginning! I threw up in a trashcan walking out of the club with a line of people trying to get in. Um.. {{SUPER EMBARRASSING}}Then I passed out in the arms of my roommate's boyfriend's arms and a Cop walks by and I have huge {{Xs}} on my hands. He tells them to get me home and kept walking. I got really lucky. :( I don't remember anything from that night. My roommate told me a lot of things I had done and I felt SO ashamed. I ended up throwing up the whole day. <-- Now I look back at this and ask myself 'Was all this worth it?'. Does it sound like it was worth it?!
I quit drinking at 21 years old.. I know {{WEIRD}}. My boyfriend, Michael, said he didn't like 'drunk girls'. So, I quit for him! We ended up living together and in March of 2007 I found myself pregnant. As someone who never thought much about abortion, it was the first thought I had. My thoughts were, I would rather have an abortion then tell my parents or even Michael. Michael was very supportive and comforting. The parents were upset but eventually came around. We debated on what we were going to name our baby. Michael would choose the boy's name and I the girl's. Our first ultrasound we found out we were having a girl and her name would be Lilly. We found out through an amniocentisis Lilly had Trisomy 18 and would not live. That is the moment I got down on my knees after years of avoiding God. And I prayed to Him like I have never prayed before.
When I started building my relationship with the Lord, I found comfort and strength and Love. He opened my eyes and my heart to so many things. Abortion was the biggest issue. I had no choice in my situation. As bad as I wanted my little Lilly to live the Lord had other plans for her. This I have to say was just the beginning. While holding my daughter, I prayed the Lord would take me instead of her. WOW! To give your life for someone else. I never would have imagined myself capable. I realized that is how much the Lord loves us that He gave His only son to die on the cross for ME. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that LOVE! When I started living my life down the path God set for me, I have found a lot of ease through my walk. The path gets a little bumpy but its a test of my faith.. and He gives me the strength to continue walking with ease. The opportunities are endless through Him....
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Carolina Pregnancy Center Walk for Life
Hello Friends!!
My name is Elizabeth Knox and I am participating in an important event in my community. The Carolina Pregnancy Center of Washington, North Carolina is having its annual Walk for Life and I am asking neighbors, friends, and family to sponsor me. Would you please be one of my sponsors?
This non-profit ministry served nearly 1000 clients and nearly 5000 students last year! Many of the teens, women, and men are facing difficult circumstances and need the emotional support and practical assistance offered free at the Center. The Center serves clients in 2 locations, Greenville and Washington, North Carolina.
If you would like to participate with me by being one of my sponsors, I would really appreciate it. Sponsorship is for the event, not per mile, and any gift you give is tax-deductible.
EVERY DOLLAR RAISED HELPS:
*Teens hear the challenge of sexual abstinence through the “Its Great to Wait” program in the public schools.
*Pregnant women hear the truth about all their options, while counselors pray they will choose life for the child.
*Young moms-to-be prepare for birth and parenting challenges.
*Young women & men earn vouchers for baby items through our parenting classes.
*Struggling women find emotional and spiritual recovery from an abortion through the “Mended Hearts” program and the P.A.L.M. one-day healing conference.
*Clients hear about the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.
My goal is to raise $1000 to help these families in need! I know I have set my goal high but I am very passionate about this.
If you would like to sponsor me, please send me a email - lizzy_h_03@yahoo.com. In the email specify if you would like your commitment of $10 or more to be billed to you by the Center and your address.
I appreciate all your support!
God Bless,
Elizabeth Knox
My name is Elizabeth Knox and I am participating in an important event in my community. The Carolina Pregnancy Center of Washington, North Carolina is having its annual Walk for Life and I am asking neighbors, friends, and family to sponsor me. Would you please be one of my sponsors?
This non-profit ministry served nearly 1000 clients and nearly 5000 students last year! Many of the teens, women, and men are facing difficult circumstances and need the emotional support and practical assistance offered free at the Center. The Center serves clients in 2 locations, Greenville and Washington, North Carolina.
If you would like to participate with me by being one of my sponsors, I would really appreciate it. Sponsorship is for the event, not per mile, and any gift you give is tax-deductible.
EVERY DOLLAR RAISED HELPS:
*Teens hear the challenge of sexual abstinence through the “Its Great to Wait” program in the public schools.
*Pregnant women hear the truth about all their options, while counselors pray they will choose life for the child.
*Young moms-to-be prepare for birth and parenting challenges.
*Young women & men earn vouchers for baby items through our parenting classes.
*Struggling women find emotional and spiritual recovery from an abortion through the “Mended Hearts” program and the P.A.L.M. one-day healing conference.
*Clients hear about the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ.
My goal is to raise $1000 to help these families in need! I know I have set my goal high but I am very passionate about this.
If you would like to sponsor me, please send me a email - lizzy_h_03@yahoo.com. In the email specify if you would like your commitment of $10 or more to be billed to you by the Center and your address.
I appreciate all your support!
God Bless,
Elizabeth Knox
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Walk for Life
Wow! It has certainly been a while since the last time I have written.
I will be participating and the Walk for Life for the local Pregnancy Center on May 15th. I'm really excited about this because I am so passionate about mothers choosing LIFE for their unborn babies. Not only choosing LIFE but getting the support and counseling they need. I will of course be walking in memory of my Lilly and in honor of my Dylan. Everything I do revolves around them both. :)If anyone is intersted in sponsoring my walk please email me with your name, address, and commitment. Even if your commitment is $1.. every dollar matters! The Carolina Pregnancy will send you a bill of the commitment amount. My goal is $1000 and I have set this goal high because this is very important to me.
*Dylan Update*
Dylan had his 9 month doctor's appointment yesterday. He weighs 19lbs and is 28 inches in length. Growing up! He had to get a shot and he wasn't too happy but got over it pretty fast. I asked the doctor if it was normal that he wasn't crawling or even making a attempt to try. And she says she is seeing it more and more now a days because of back sleeping. People always tell me, I don't want him to crawl because he will be all over the place and I will have to keep my eye on him ALL the time... well I just want my child to meet his milestones when he is suppose to. He is trying to pull up of furniture, which scares me because he falls and hits his head everytime I'm not there to catch him.
I will be participating and the Walk for Life for the local Pregnancy Center on May 15th. I'm really excited about this because I am so passionate about mothers choosing LIFE for their unborn babies. Not only choosing LIFE but getting the support and counseling they need. I will of course be walking in memory of my Lilly and in honor of my Dylan. Everything I do revolves around them both. :)If anyone is intersted in sponsoring my walk please email me with your name, address, and commitment. Even if your commitment is $1.. every dollar matters! The Carolina Pregnancy will send you a bill of the commitment amount. My goal is $1000 and I have set this goal high because this is very important to me.
*Dylan Update*
Dylan had his 9 month doctor's appointment yesterday. He weighs 19lbs and is 28 inches in length. Growing up! He had to get a shot and he wasn't too happy but got over it pretty fast. I asked the doctor if it was normal that he wasn't crawling or even making a attempt to try. And she says she is seeing it more and more now a days because of back sleeping.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Happy Easter Lilly
Happy Easter, Lilly!
I know you had a wonderful Easter Day celebrating with Jesus.. Singing beautifully before the Lord. We had a wonderful Easter! Aunt Sarah and Uncle John came home from Michigan to visit for four days. They came in on Thursday and spent the whole day with us. Saturday, I volunteered for the church Easter egg hunt. Daddy and Dylan had so much fun. Dylan made two new friends that day. He is getting so big! Did I tell you he has two teeth now?
Sunday at church, Dylan was Dedicated. It was a wonderful ceremony! Daddy and I found a new church and we are very proud we had Dylan dedicated there.
We miss you very much and love you more than you know!
Love,
Mommy
Here are the pictures of your brother in his new Easter outfit..
I know you had a wonderful Easter Day celebrating with Jesus.. Singing beautifully before the Lord. We had a wonderful Easter! Aunt Sarah and Uncle John came home from Michigan to visit for four days. They came in on Thursday and spent the whole day with us. Saturday, I volunteered for the church Easter egg hunt. Daddy and Dylan had so much fun. Dylan made two new friends that day. He is getting so big! Did I tell you he has two teeth now?
Sunday at church, Dylan was Dedicated. It was a wonderful ceremony! Daddy and I found a new church and we are very proud we had Dylan dedicated there.
We miss you very much and love you more than you know!
Love,
Mommy
Here are the pictures of your brother in his new Easter outfit..
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Lilly's Flowers
I'm really excited about Lilly's new stone planter and her pretty flower arrangement.. designed by myself. :) I know you may think it's really silly to get so excited about something like this but it has taken us two and a half years to afford this beautiful planter. Every planter I looked at, didn't match up to my high expectations and wasn't perfect enough to hold the beautiful flowers that will sit before my daughter's grave. Here are the pictures. I'm a beginner at flower arrangements and I feel like this one isn't beautiful enough but am I ever going to feel like something is good enough when it comes to my daughter?!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
May 24, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Agh... 30 Weeks
This is a page from Dylan's Scrapbook! The Ultrasound girl, Sarah, wanted to give me some 4D pictures at my last Doctor's appointment. Which by the way was a wonderful appointment. Dr. Haven said the kidneys are now the same size and are normal. Wonderful news, Praise God!
Agh.. 30 Weeks!! :) Time is flying by so fast.. almost too fast. I do worry from time to time and wonder if I'm going to be a good mother. Or if I'm going to smother him and want him by my side at all times! I guess these worries are normal. I just want to raise my son to be respectful and love Jesus with all his heart.
Agh... 30 Weeks
This is a page from Dylan's Scrapbook! The Ultrasound girl, Sarah, wanted to give me some 4D pictures at my last Doctor's appointment. Which by the way was a wonderful appointment. Dr. Haven said the kidneys are now the same size and are normal. Wonderful news, Praise God!
Agh.. 30 Weeks!! :) Time is flying by so fast.. almost too fast. I do worry from time to time and wonder if I'm going to be a good mother. Or if I'm going to smother him and want him by my side at all times! I guess these worries are normal. I just want to raise my son to be respectful and love Jesus with all his heart.
May 8, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
28 Weeks
28 Weeks... YAY! I'm getting really excited! I can't wait!
So far I've gained 27 lbs and my blood pressure is still good. Around this time with Lilly, my blood pressure was high and my feet were swelling so bad they hurt. I'm having very little swelling, its usually by the end of the day. My next doctor's appointment will be Tuesday, May 12. I'll keep you updated! :)
28 Weeks
28 Weeks... YAY! I'm getting really excited! I can't wait!
So far I've gained 27 lbs and my blood pressure is still good. Around this time with Lilly, my blood pressure was high and my feet were swelling so bad they hurt. I'm having very little swelling, its usually by the end of the day. My next doctor's appointment will be Tuesday, May 12. I'll keep you updated! :)
April 8, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
24 Weeks- Best Hair Days!
Okay, so I'm skipping ahead a few days! I'm actually 23 Weeks 5 days... basically 24 Weeks! :) The pants that I'm wearing in the picture are being held together in the front with a hairband.. they fit about a month ago.. I swear. I'm definitely going to have to retire the shirt I was wearing. :?/ I like that shirt! Oh well anyways.. nothing really new has been happening to me or my body except for the fact I'm bigger and tummy hurts from stretching. Still the usual, no sleep, hungry all the time, and my clothes are shrinking... but my hair looks wonderful! ;) I have been feeling him kick a lot lately. I was in Down On Mainstreet, tuesday, for the BLT special (thanks Ashley for the BLT cravings) and he was kicking and he actually let the Patsy, Brookes, and Kira feel. I was surprised, he usually stops when someone puts their hand on my tummy.
24 Weeks- Best Hair Days!
Okay, so I'm skipping ahead a few days! I'm actually 23 Weeks 5 days... basically 24 Weeks! :) The pants that I'm wearing in the picture are being held together in the front with a hairband.. they fit about a month ago.. I swear. I'm definitely going to have to retire the shirt I was wearing. :?/ I like that shirt! Oh well anyways.. nothing really new has been happening to me or my body except for the fact I'm bigger and tummy hurts from stretching. Still the usual, no sleep, hungry all the time, and my clothes are shrinking... but my hair looks wonderful! ;) I have been feeling him kick a lot lately. I was in Down On Mainstreet, tuesday, for the BLT special (thanks Ashley for the BLT cravings) and he was kicking and he actually let the Patsy, Brookes, and Kira feel. I was surprised, he usually stops when someone puts their hand on my tummy.
April 1, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
22 Weeks and Counting! :)
22 Weeks and counting! :) I'm getting more and more excited as the days, weeks, months, pass by. At my last doctor's appointment, we had another ultrasound. Doctor Harris reassured us that the kidneys are okay. Everything is okay! I think that its a little hard for me to believe because last time everything wasn't okay. But I have to say God is great!
Last week tuesday, I had a very bad day. The kind of day where you wake up and NOTHING goes right. I had two HUGE zits plastered on the side of my face.. like two extra eyes on my face, my hair was a frightful mass of mess on the top of my head, I ran out of make-up, and I just plum felt fat and ugly. I had to go to class tuesday night and after class let out and I got home, Michael still hadn't gotten home from work. I called him like 100 times in 30 minutes and he wasn't answering. Finally, I just dialed his number again and a guy answered. I said, "What takes you so long to answer your phone?" He said, "Huh?" and I respond, "I have called you like 100 times." I look at my phone and realize that Michael was beeping in. Sometimes my phone just calls random people. So, I click over to Michael and give him the same spill that I gave the random man that my phone called. Then Glenn is beeping in, so I click over to him and I realize that the random guy was Glenn. I apologized and laughed. He said, "I get fussed out by my wife and now pregnant girls." I was so embarrassed! But I have to say it was really funny! I just glad that it was him and not really some random guy.
Well.. neways.. our crib came in last night and I got so excited I put it together in an hour. Its so pretty!
I ate at my in-laws house the other night and they still get some of our mail. Well, there was an invitation to the Cherished Lives Ceremony that Pitt Memorial Hospital gives in memory of all the babies who have died. I can't wait to go! Its really the only time that Michael, our family, and I can celebrate Lilly and her life. I'm so thankful that God has given me the gift to remember every moment of being with my daughter. I miss her so much!
22 Weeks and Counting! :)
22 Weeks and counting! :) I'm getting more and more excited as the days, weeks, months, pass by. At my last doctor's appointment, we had another ultrasound. Doctor Harris reassured us that the kidneys are okay. Everything is okay! I think that its a little hard for me to believe because last time everything wasn't okay. But I have to say God is great!
Last week tuesday, I had a very bad day. The kind of day where you wake up and NOTHING goes right. I had two HUGE zits plastered on the side of my face.. like two extra eyes on my face, my hair was a frightful mass of mess on the top of my head, I ran out of make-up, and I just plum felt fat and ugly. I had to go to class tuesday night and after class let out and I got home, Michael still hadn't gotten home from work. I called him like 100 times in 30 minutes and he wasn't answering. Finally, I just dialed his number again and a guy answered. I said, "What takes you so long to answer your phone?" He said, "Huh?" and I respond, "I have called you like 100 times." I look at my phone and realize that Michael was beeping in. Sometimes my phone just calls random people. So, I click over to Michael and give him the same spill that I gave the random man that my phone called. Then Glenn is beeping in, so I click over to him and I realize that the random guy was Glenn. I apologized and laughed. He said, "I get fussed out by my wife and now pregnant girls." I was so embarrassed! But I have to say it was really funny! I just glad that it was him and not really some random guy.
Well.. neways.. our crib came in last night and I got so excited I put it together in an hour. Its so pretty!
I ate at my in-laws house the other night and they still get some of our mail. Well, there was an invitation to the Cherished Lives Ceremony that Pitt Memorial Hospital gives in memory of all the babies who have died. I can't wait to go! Its really the only time that Michael, our family, and I can celebrate Lilly and her life. I'm so thankful that God has given me the gift to remember every moment of being with my daughter. I miss her so much!
March 8, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
19 Weeks
19 Weeks and 1 Day today! Lately, I have been feeling like a hippo.. unattractive and fat. I haven't been able to get a lot of sleep lately. I've been shoving pillow under and around every part of me, soon I think Michael is going to have to migrate to the couch. :)
I can't wait to start decorating Dylan's room. I bought a few canvas' today so that I can begin painting pictures for his room.. I would do murals but I don't think our landlord would like that. I finally go Michael to go with the sailboat theme. He was set on sports.. YUCK! I've already registered for sailboat stuff.
Michael took me last week to go register at Babies R Us. I think that he was having fun picking out all the baby boy clothes and things. I'm just really happy to see my husband so happy.
Last night, my sisters (without Sarah :(.. ) and I, went to Barnes and Nobles and while we were there Michael calls and wants me to pick him up a Expectant Fathers baby book. I'm so happy that he is so excited about the baby.
Well, my next appointment will be March 17th.. I can't wait
19 Weeks
19 Weeks and 1 Day today! Lately, I have been feeling like a hippo.. unattractive and fat. I haven't been able to get a lot of sleep lately. I've been shoving pillow under and around every part of me, soon I think Michael is going to have to migrate to the couch. :)
I can't wait to start decorating Dylan's room. I bought a few canvas' today so that I can begin painting pictures for his room.. I would do murals but I don't think our landlord would like that. I finally go Michael to go with the sailboat theme. He was set on sports.. YUCK! I've already registered for sailboat stuff.
Michael took me last week to go register at Babies R Us. I think that he was having fun picking out all the baby boy clothes and things. I'm just really happy to see my husband so happy.
Last night, my sisters (without Sarah :(.. ) and I, went to Barnes and Nobles and while we were there Michael calls and wants me to pick him up a Expectant Fathers baby book. I'm so happy that he is so excited about the baby.
Well, my next appointment will be March 17th.. I can't wait
February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
17 Weeks
This week, I've been super sick. I don't know if its the pregnancy or the virus that's been going around. Last time I went to the doctor they said I weighed about 118. I guess they were happy with that weight, and I'm pretty happy they didn't tell me to gain more.
At the last doctor's appointment, not everything was perfect... as I probably wrote. The doctor came in after the ultrasound and went down the list. Everything was great except one of the baby's kidneys is slightly larger then the other. She said that it wasn't in abnormal range but that they are still going to keep an eye on it. I wanted to cry after she told me that. She kept telling me that its probably nothing and its nothing to worry about. Do you know what is funny about her saying that??? They told me that same thing after Lilly's ultrasound. She also said that if I wanted to have another ultrasound done over at Fetal Medicine, she would schedule me an appointment. I asked her if Fetal Medicine was Brody School of Medicine and she said yes. I would rather cut my foot off and eat my toes then walk back into that place. I didn't tell the doctor that. I just told her that I would never step foot back into that place ever.
I just don't understand, if its nothing to worry about then why were they offering for me to go to Brody.. again???? I have to admit, last week I was pretty mad with God. I asked him over and over again.. why? Is it hard to give me just one perfect ultrasound? Why have I always got to worry about something?
Please keep us in your prayers! :)
17 Weeks
This week, I've been super sick. I don't know if its the pregnancy or the virus that's been going around. Last time I went to the doctor they said I weighed about 118. I guess they were happy with that weight, and I'm pretty happy they didn't tell me to gain more.
At the last doctor's appointment, not everything was perfect... as I probably wrote. The doctor came in after the ultrasound and went down the list. Everything was great except one of the baby's kidneys is slightly larger then the other. She said that it wasn't in abnormal range but that they are still going to keep an eye on it. I wanted to cry after she told me that. She kept telling me that its probably nothing and its nothing to worry about. Do you know what is funny about her saying that??? They told me that same thing after Lilly's ultrasound. She also said that if I wanted to have another ultrasound done over at Fetal Medicine, she would schedule me an appointment. I asked her if Fetal Medicine was Brody School of Medicine and she said yes. I would rather cut my foot off and eat my toes then walk back into that place. I didn't tell the doctor that. I just told her that I would never step foot back into that place ever.
I just don't understand, if its nothing to worry about then why were they offering for me to go to Brody.. again???? I have to admit, last week I was pretty mad with God. I asked him over and over again.. why? Is it hard to give me just one perfect ultrasound? Why have I always got to worry about something?
Please keep us in your prayers! :)
February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
My Doctors appointment yesterday went very well! During the ultrasound, the sonographer, Sarah, told us everything that she was measuring and looking at. This time unlike last time, the baby's hands were opening and closing, the heart was fine and the brain had no cysts. She said everything looks wonderful! :) I have to say, I am very relieved. We found out that the baby is a ...... BOY! I have to say I was extremely surprised. As you can clearly see in the picture above, its odvious it is a boy. My next doctors appointment will be March 17 and we will have another ultrasound. :) Love those ultrasounds! His name is Dylan Michael!
My Doctors appointment yesterday went very well! During the ultrasound, the sonographer, Sarah, told us everything that she was measuring and looking at. This time unlike last time, the baby's hands were opening and closing, the heart was fine and the brain had no cysts. She said everything looks wonderful! :) I have to say, I am very relieved. We found out that the baby is a ...... BOY! I have to say I was extremely surprised. As you can clearly see in the picture above, its odvious it is a boy. My next doctors appointment will be March 17 and we will have another ultrasound. :) Love those ultrasounds! His name is Dylan Michael!
February 4, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
What Sleep?
This week, I've really been struggling to sleep. I'm a belly sleeper. I'm going to miss sleeping on my belly for at least 6 more months. Poo! Last night, it was really hard for me to sleep because the News said that it was going to snow. I'm like a little kid about snow.. too exciting! After looking out the window to see if it was snowing at 2:30am (of course, it wasn't), I fianlly fell asleep. Now its 12:33pm and I feel like I'm going to pass out right here and drool all over the keyboard.
I cannot wait until Feb. 18 to have my ultrasound. I told my mother-in-law, Susan, that I just want to break into the Doctor's office and give myself an ultrasound. I'm so giddy to know whether the baby is a boy or girl. Can't wait to decorate!
What Sleep?
This week, I've really been struggling to sleep. I'm a belly sleeper. I'm going to miss sleeping on my belly for at least 6 more months. Poo! Last night, it was really hard for me to sleep because the News said that it was going to snow. I'm like a little kid about snow.. too exciting! After looking out the window to see if it was snowing at 2:30am (of course, it wasn't), I fianlly fell asleep. Now its 12:33pm and I feel like I'm going to pass out right here and drool all over the keyboard.
I cannot wait until Feb. 18 to have my ultrasound. I told my mother-in-law, Susan, that I just want to break into the Doctor's office and give myself an ultrasound. I'm so giddy to know whether the baby is a boy or girl. Can't wait to decorate!
January 26, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Doctor's Appointment #2
Nothing really interesting happened today at my Doctor's Appt. I was a little disappointed that I didn't have an ultrasound done. I heard the baby's heartbeat again and its 160. Fast heartbeat.. maybe its a girl. :) Dr. Fisher said that hopefully by the next appintment I will have gained a pound. Not this past sunday but last sunday marks the beginning of true morning sickness and all day gagging. :( YUCK!
My next appointment will be on Feb. 18. In 3 weeks and at that appointment I will find out if I'm having a girl or a boy. Too exciting. Michael and I have decided that if its a girl we will name her Faith Elizabeth and if its a boy we will name him Dillon Michael. I really have no preference, I just pray for a healthy baby.
I am extremely confident and I have a lot of faith in knowing that I will be having a healthy baby. Thats one reason why we chose the name Faith. I think that without faith me and michael wouldn't be as strong as we are today. So I think that Faith is going to be more then just a name for us, it has so much more meaning.
Doctor's Appointment #2
Nothing really interesting happened today at my Doctor's Appt. I was a little disappointed that I didn't have an ultrasound done. I heard the baby's heartbeat again and its 160. Fast heartbeat.. maybe its a girl. :) Dr. Fisher said that hopefully by the next appintment I will have gained a pound. Not this past sunday but last sunday marks the beginning of true morning sickness and all day gagging. :( YUCK!
My next appointment will be on Feb. 18. In 3 weeks and at that appointment I will find out if I'm having a girl or a boy. Too exciting. Michael and I have decided that if its a girl we will name her Faith Elizabeth and if its a boy we will name him Dillon Michael. I really have no preference, I just pray for a healthy baby.
I am extremely confident and I have a lot of faith in knowing that I will be having a healthy baby. Thats one reason why we chose the name Faith. I think that without faith me and michael wouldn't be as strong as we are today. So I think that Faith is going to be more then just a name for us, it has so much more meaning.
January 4, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Doctor's Appointment #1
My first Doctor's appointment went very well. I denied all genetic testing and counseling but accepted all ultrasounds. I think I would be crazy to deny ultrasounds. We had our first ultrasound done and the sonographer, Sarah, did measurements. The baby is 1 inch, which is right on target. The heartbeat is 180, which the Doctor said that with such a strong heartbeat this early on our chances of a miscarriage is less than 5%. YAY!
It was such a relief to finally go to the doctor and hear good news. The worst part about the visit would have to be the 9 tubes of blood they drew.. ugh.. I thought I was going to pass out. I got to bring home two ultrasound pictures and I wanted to post them but I got too excited and put them in a scrapbook. The next ones I get I promise to post.
Doctor's Appointment #1
My first Doctor's appointment went very well. I denied all genetic testing and counseling but accepted all ultrasounds. I think I would be crazy to deny ultrasounds. We had our first ultrasound done and the sonographer, Sarah, did measurements. The baby is 1 inch, which is right on target. The heartbeat is 180, which the Doctor said that with such a strong heartbeat this early on our chances of a miscarriage is less than 5%. YAY!
It was such a relief to finally go to the doctor and hear good news. The worst part about the visit would have to be the 9 tubes of blood they drew.. ugh.. I thought I was going to pass out. I got to bring home two ultrasound pictures and I wanted to post them but I got too excited and put them in a scrapbook. The next ones I get I promise to post.
December 27, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
8 Weeks
As of today I'm 8 weeks 6 days! :) I figured out last night that grape juice does not mix with pregnancy. I found myself running to the bathroom. At least this time I can count how many times I've actually gotten sick... which is only 3 times. When I was pregnant with Lilly I was sick everyday, all day. For Christmas this year, I got a diaper bag full of baby stuff. Just looking at baby stuff makes me more and more excited.
Monday, December 29th is my first doctor's appointment. I'm not too excited about the 6 tubes of blood they will be taking but I know its worth it. I'm prepared for the Doctor's and their talk that they are going to have with me about having tests done. My answer will be a big, fat NO! I can easily say that no matter what happens, whether that baby is healthy or not, I will still love my child. Abortion will always be out of the question for me. I have to say that I'm too strong of a person for that.
I'm really amazed that I'm showing so fast. Maybe its twins! :) I wouldn't mind!
8 Weeks
As of today I'm 8 weeks 6 days! :) I figured out last night that grape juice does not mix with pregnancy. I found myself running to the bathroom. At least this time I can count how many times I've actually gotten sick... which is only 3 times. When I was pregnant with Lilly I was sick everyday, all day. For Christmas this year, I got a diaper bag full of baby stuff. Just looking at baby stuff makes me more and more excited.
Monday, December 29th is my first doctor's appointment. I'm not too excited about the 6 tubes of blood they will be taking but I know its worth it. I'm prepared for the Doctor's and their talk that they are going to have with me about having tests done. My answer will be a big, fat NO! I can easily say that no matter what happens, whether that baby is healthy or not, I will still love my child. Abortion will always be out of the question for me. I have to say that I'm too strong of a person for that.
I'm really amazed that I'm showing so fast. Maybe its twins! :) I wouldn't mind!
December 5, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
We're Pregnant! Yippy!
Hard to believe but true! We are pregnant! I have to say 'we'.. I guess because I'm going through the actual body changing pregnancy and Michael is going through my emotional ups and downs. Which include my outbursts of anger and tears during the movie ELF. <- Don't ask! It took 5 pregnancy tests to make me actually believe that they were actually positive... this is after having one year of past negative pregnancy tests. Well, after going to a doctor's office.. it was confirmed that we are 5 weeks 4 days. I have to say that Thanksgiving this year is the most memorable and special for me. Michael is excited but a little nervous at the same time. He doesn't want anyone to forget Lilly. I know that I'll never forget Lilly. She isn't forgettable or replacable.
I'm definately feeling some symptoms.. SLEEPY!!! Last night I woke up 3 times to use the bathroom. If its that bad now I can't imagine how many times I'll be waking up at 6 months. Ugh.. but at least I'm not sick.. yet.. *knock on wood*
There is one thing that is upsetting. Michael's Grandmother passed away November 30th. I regret not getting to know her better and visiting her more like she wanted me and Michael to. I really wish that she would have been able to meet her new Great Grandchild but I'm sure that she will see him/her from Heaven. Tomorrow we will be having a visitation, memorial, and graveside. :*(
We're Pregnant! Yippy!
Hard to believe but true! We are pregnant! I have to say 'we'.. I guess because I'm going through the actual body changing pregnancy and Michael is going through my emotional ups and downs. Which include my outbursts of anger and tears during the movie ELF. <- Don't ask! It took 5 pregnancy tests to make me actually believe that they were actually positive... this is after having one year of past negative pregnancy tests. Well, after going to a doctor's office.. it was confirmed that we are 5 weeks 4 days. I have to say that Thanksgiving this year is the most memorable and special for me. Michael is excited but a little nervous at the same time. He doesn't want anyone to forget Lilly. I know that I'll never forget Lilly. She isn't forgettable or replacable.
I'm definately feeling some symptoms.. SLEEPY!!! Last night I woke up 3 times to use the bathroom. If its that bad now I can't imagine how many times I'll be waking up at 6 months. Ugh.. but at least I'm not sick.. yet.. *knock on wood*
There is one thing that is upsetting. Michael's Grandmother passed away November 30th. I regret not getting to know her better and visiting her more like she wanted me and Michael to. I really wish that she would have been able to meet her new Great Grandchild but I'm sure that she will see him/her from Heaven. Tomorrow we will be having a visitation, memorial, and graveside. :*(
Letter to Lilly
Dear Lilly,
I miss you so much! Daddy misses you also. I can't believe it has almost been three years since you were born. Today, your little brother Dylan and I went to Tassels and bought a beautiful stone planter to put behind your gravestone. I can't wait to fill it with a beautiful spring flower arrangement. When I think of you, I think of all things beautiful.
Kristen Etheridge, a friend of your Aunt Kristen, had to give a presentation about abortion in one of her classes. She could not help but speak about you. Here is the message she sent me..
"Elizabeth,
I hope you, Michael, and Dylan are doing good! I just wanted to let you know I had to do a group project about abortions in different religions in a class, and I told your story about Lilly. I wasn't planning on it but the subject of medical abortions came up during the discussion. I explained how a lot of the doctors at BSOM encouraged you to have an abortion but you didn't. Then told everyone how you and Michael spent 6 precious hours with Lilly that you wouldn't trade for anything. The professor asked me today if I would ask you if he could use your story in one of his other classes. I told him I would ask you.
Kristen"
This is God encouraging me through friends. Lilly, you are such a wonderful inspiration. And of course my answer to her teacher was 'yes'. I want everyone to know all about how wonderful you are! After I thanked Kristen for telling her class about you, she sent me this message which is such a great encouragment..
"You are welcome! I think it's amazing that you gave her the gift of life! You are an amazing woman!" - Kristen Etheridge
God has put so many great people in my life! I wish you could have met your brother, Dylan. He is such a sweet baby. He has two teeth now and he does this fake smile that makes me laugh so hard I cry. :) Because of you, I cherish every moment I have with the ones I love. Baby girl, I love and I miss you so much. I can't wait to tell Dylan all about his older sister.
Love,
Mommy
I miss you so much! Daddy misses you also. I can't believe it has almost been three years since you were born. Today, your little brother Dylan and I went to Tassels and bought a beautiful stone planter to put behind your gravestone. I can't wait to fill it with a beautiful spring flower arrangement. When I think of you, I think of all things beautiful.
Kristen Etheridge, a friend of your Aunt Kristen, had to give a presentation about abortion in one of her classes. She could not help but speak about you. Here is the message she sent me..
"Elizabeth,
I hope you, Michael, and Dylan are doing good! I just wanted to let you know I had to do a group project about abortions in different religions in a class, and I told your story about Lilly. I wasn't planning on it but the subject of medical abortions came up during the discussion. I explained how a lot of the doctors at BSOM encouraged you to have an abortion but you didn't. Then told everyone how you and Michael spent 6 precious hours with Lilly that you wouldn't trade for anything. The professor asked me today if I would ask you if he could use your story in one of his other classes. I told him I would ask you.
Kristen"
This is God encouraging me through friends. Lilly, you are such a wonderful inspiration. And of course my answer to her teacher was 'yes'. I want everyone to know all about how wonderful you are! After I thanked Kristen for telling her class about you, she sent me this message which is such a great encouragment..
"You are welcome! I think it's amazing that you gave her the gift of life! You are an amazing woman!" - Kristen Etheridge
God has put so many great people in my life! I wish you could have met your brother, Dylan. He is such a sweet baby. He has two teeth now and he does this fake smile that makes me laugh so hard I cry. :) Because of you, I cherish every moment I have with the ones I love. Baby girl, I love and I miss you so much. I can't wait to tell Dylan all about his older sister.
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
MTV's 16 and Pregnant
Okay, so I was reading some comments about Jenelle, a mother on MTV's series 16 and Pregnant who is too immature to have a baby. It's not my place to judge her or the decisions she has made in her life. People need to understand there is not a choice when it comes to an unborn life. What I don't understand is why it is so hard for people to grasp that concept.
People who made comments like, "That baby should have been aborted" really need to wake up and smell the coffee. I remember when I didn't think much about the abortion issue but when I buried my daughter, God opened my eyes to the issue full force.
Jenelle's baby is a wonderful blessing and it's terrible that she isn't accepting of her precious gift. From watching the show and hearing Jenelle's mother yell, "Well, if you aren't going to take care of IT, then we need to find IT a home.", this baby certainly deserves a better family. It's really sad. I can't stress this anymore then I already have.. A BABY IS NOT A IT!!!
Have you actually seen an abortion being performed? Have you seen a baby being aborted through ultrasound? No matter what form of abortion is being performed the BABY is in pain and the heartrate rises because of the babies fear. Have you ever heard of Post-Abortion Syndrome? This is the emotional and psychological consequences of an abortion. Also known as depression.
Learn the fact before you go through with an abortion. Here are some website that will be helpful with your research:
www.abort73.com
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/tul/pap1.html
Also, YouTube is great!
People who made comments like, "That baby should have been aborted" really need to wake up and smell the coffee. I remember when I didn't think much about the abortion issue but when I buried my daughter, God opened my eyes to the issue full force.
Jenelle's baby is a wonderful blessing and it's terrible that she isn't accepting of her precious gift. From watching the show and hearing Jenelle's mother yell, "Well, if you aren't going to take care of IT, then we need to find IT a home.", this baby certainly deserves a better family. It's really sad. I can't stress this anymore then I already have.. A BABY IS NOT A IT!!!
Have you actually seen an abortion being performed? Have you seen a baby being aborted through ultrasound? No matter what form of abortion is being performed the BABY is in pain and the heartrate rises because of the babies fear. Have you ever heard of Post-Abortion Syndrome? This is the emotional and psychological consequences of an abortion. Also known as depression.
Learn the fact before you go through with an abortion. Here are some website that will be helpful with your research:
www.abort73.com
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/tul/pap1.html
Also, YouTube is great!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Oh.. the Aggravation with Myself
As you probably all have realized.. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up! DO I want to be a nurse? Medical Sonographer? Medical Lab Tech? Jewelry Maker? Crafter? Store Owner? Mary Kay Saleswomen? And unfortunately my list of possible careers goes on and on and.. on. I hate being a 'wishy washy' person! I wish I was the type of person who just goes with it and completes it. What is wrong with me?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
And then there is HOPE!
As for my parents.. they are doing a lot better! I knew they would get through this but I still had a fear of divorce or separation. I think every child has that fear when their parents have arguments. It's sad that children have that fear but this is how the world works now a days!
I want to thank everyone who has kept my family in your prayers. It really means a lot! It's hard now that Sarah is in Michigan. :( Talking to her on the phone isn't the same as in person. {{I think I just hate talking on the phone}} So this is why I blog! :)
God Bless!
I want to thank everyone who has kept my family in your prayers. It really means a lot! It's hard now that Sarah is in Michigan. :( Talking to her on the phone isn't the same as in person. {{I think I just hate talking on the phone}} So this is why I blog! :)
God Bless!
A Women of Character! <-- I want to be!
I have devoted my time between 6am and 8am to bible study. My bible study consists of...
1. watching a sermon at www.newspring.org {{Which by the way the sermons are AWESOME}}
2. Taking my notes and writing the bible verses down.
3. Studying the bible verses
Today I watched week 2 of the series 'Beautiful'. WONDERFUL sermon! I never realized that the way I talk to my husband and about my husband has really effected our relationship. Pastor Perry spoke about 'The words we speak are a reflection of our hearts.' It's so true. I am constantly using my words to tear Michael down instead of bring him up.
WORDS!!!
Proverbs 12:4
"Agood wife is like a crown for her husband but a disgraceful wife is like a disease in his bones."
Proverbs 26:20
"Without wood, a fire will go out, and without gossip, quarreling with stop." <-- This verse really made me realize that everytime I speak negatively about Michael, it keeps my negative feeling alive. That is why forgiveness is the only way to settle disputes.
INTENTIONS!!!
"It doesn't always have to be about you!" Very hard quote for me to grasp. :(
Proverbs 5:18-19
"Be happy with the wife you married when you were young. She gives you joy, as your fountain give you water. She is lovely and graceful as a deer. Let her love always and make you happy; let her love always hold you captive."
FORGIVENESS!!
Forgive and forget! Satan brings up old bad memories to make you hate or to harm your relationship with you husband or wife. I know, Satan hates marriage and he will do everything in his power to kill, steal, and destroy.
Colossians 3:13
"Bear with each other, and forgive eah other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because God forgave you."
EXPECTATIONS!!!
How can you pray over all your husband's faults and sins when you haven't and wont even pray for your own?!
Proverbs 19:13
"A foolish child brings disaster to a father, and a quarreling wife is like dripping water."
Proverbs 21:9
"It is better tolive in a corner on the roof than inside the house with a quarreling wife."
Proverbs 21:19
"It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarreling and complaining wife."
WOW! I never realized how bad it really is to live with someone like that! All I know is I don't want to be that kind of wife. I want to be a Wife of Character. I want my beauty to show not only from the outside but inside as well.
1. watching a sermon at www.newspring.org {{Which by the way the sermons are AWESOME}}
2. Taking my notes and writing the bible verses down.
3. Studying the bible verses
Today I watched week 2 of the series 'Beautiful'. WONDERFUL sermon! I never realized that the way I talk to my husband and about my husband has really effected our relationship. Pastor Perry spoke about 'The words we speak are a reflection of our hearts.' It's so true. I am constantly using my words to tear Michael down instead of bring him up.
WORDS!!!
Proverbs 12:4
"Agood wife is like a crown for her husband but a disgraceful wife is like a disease in his bones."
Proverbs 26:20
"Without wood, a fire will go out, and without gossip, quarreling with stop." <-- This verse really made me realize that everytime I speak negatively about Michael, it keeps my negative feeling alive. That is why forgiveness is the only way to settle disputes.
INTENTIONS!!!
"It doesn't always have to be about you!" Very hard quote for me to grasp. :(
Proverbs 5:18-19
"Be happy with the wife you married when you were young. She gives you joy, as your fountain give you water. She is lovely and graceful as a deer. Let her love always and make you happy; let her love always hold you captive."
FORGIVENESS!!
Forgive and forget! Satan brings up old bad memories to make you hate or to harm your relationship with you husband or wife. I know, Satan hates marriage and he will do everything in his power to kill, steal, and destroy.
Colossians 3:13
"Bear with each other, and forgive eah other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because God forgave you."
EXPECTATIONS!!!
How can you pray over all your husband's faults and sins when you haven't and wont even pray for your own?!
Proverbs 19:13
"A foolish child brings disaster to a father, and a quarreling wife is like dripping water."
Proverbs 21:9
"It is better tolive in a corner on the roof than inside the house with a quarreling wife."
Proverbs 21:19
"It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarreling and complaining wife."
WOW! I never realized how bad it really is to live with someone like that! All I know is I don't want to be that kind of wife. I want to be a Wife of Character. I want my beauty to show not only from the outside but inside as well.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Finding Light
Finding Light
By: Elizabeth Knox
“Loss leaves us empty- but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes, it seems impossible- but new joys wait to fill the void.” -Pat Brown I believe that everything happens for a reason. Before the death of my daughter, I believed that nothing bad or tragic, would or could ever happen to me. Never again will I ever think that. Death, grief, tragedy, and despair are happening to people everyday, we need to find the spiritual reason to see the light through the long dark tunnel.
In the beginning, my grief started months before the death of my daughter. After many ultrasounds and Specialist visits, I was told that my daughter, Lilly, had a rare chromosome disorder called Trisomy 18. The Specialist explained that Lilly was incompatible for life and that she would be born too early or that she would be stillborn. For months, even though my heart was hurt and my eyes were filled with tears, I cherished every little kick with great comfort in knowing that she was alive. It was almost like her little way of telling me “Mommy, don’t cry! I’m still here!”. I would pray every night, “Lord, I don’t know your plan for Lilly’s life but I pray that me and my family will be able to hold her alive and that she will be born to term”. I put all my faith in God, that my prayers would be answered.
In six hours I had the best day of my life with the birth of my daughter and I also had the worst day of my life with the death of my daughter. On October 26, 2007 at 10:40 pm, my daughter Lilly was born to term and alive. Looking in Lilly’s eyes, I felt how much she loved me and how much I loved her. After giving birth, the instant connection and love between a mother and her baby is so strong, so true, and so pure. To have that love taken from you is devastating. Lilly passed away on October 27, 2007 at 4:40am. The grief that I felt after losing Lilly was so overwhelming that I was blinded by devastation. I felt so angry, betrayed, as though my world had completely been ripped apart. All the dreams and the things I wanted to do with my daughter, like braid her hair, comfort her and hold her when she didn’t feel good, give her kisses and pray with her before she went to sleep, were ripped away from me like they had no meaning. My daughter’s death made me realize so many things and it completely changed my prospective on life and death.
“Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.” -Anon How precious life is when its cut short and how precious time is when there isn’t enough. Through my experience I have found and been blessed with a great ministry to speak to others. A ministry that has helped others find their way through their very tough and tragic experience. Believing now that life is what you make it, I live my life treating others like they have just been through my experience, cherishing every moment with the people that are still with me, and handing every situation that comes in my life to God. I believe also that death is what you make it. Death, no matter how tragic, is beautiful and the beginning of life, life with no more death or destruction.
Through the tragedy of losing my daughter, I have found new life. A life filled with love and care for the loved ones still here with me, treating other’s lives as precious as my own, and cherishing every moment as if it could be the last. This prospective has helped me on my journey of grief in finding the light.
By: Elizabeth Knox
“Loss leaves us empty- but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes, it seems impossible- but new joys wait to fill the void.” -Pat Brown I believe that everything happens for a reason. Before the death of my daughter, I believed that nothing bad or tragic, would or could ever happen to me. Never again will I ever think that. Death, grief, tragedy, and despair are happening to people everyday, we need to find the spiritual reason to see the light through the long dark tunnel.
In the beginning, my grief started months before the death of my daughter. After many ultrasounds and Specialist visits, I was told that my daughter, Lilly, had a rare chromosome disorder called Trisomy 18. The Specialist explained that Lilly was incompatible for life and that she would be born too early or that she would be stillborn. For months, even though my heart was hurt and my eyes were filled with tears, I cherished every little kick with great comfort in knowing that she was alive. It was almost like her little way of telling me “Mommy, don’t cry! I’m still here!”. I would pray every night, “Lord, I don’t know your plan for Lilly’s life but I pray that me and my family will be able to hold her alive and that she will be born to term”. I put all my faith in God, that my prayers would be answered.
In six hours I had the best day of my life with the birth of my daughter and I also had the worst day of my life with the death of my daughter. On October 26, 2007 at 10:40 pm, my daughter Lilly was born to term and alive. Looking in Lilly’s eyes, I felt how much she loved me and how much I loved her. After giving birth, the instant connection and love between a mother and her baby is so strong, so true, and so pure. To have that love taken from you is devastating. Lilly passed away on October 27, 2007 at 4:40am. The grief that I felt after losing Lilly was so overwhelming that I was blinded by devastation. I felt so angry, betrayed, as though my world had completely been ripped apart. All the dreams and the things I wanted to do with my daughter, like braid her hair, comfort her and hold her when she didn’t feel good, give her kisses and pray with her before she went to sleep, were ripped away from me like they had no meaning. My daughter’s death made me realize so many things and it completely changed my prospective on life and death.
“Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.” -Anon How precious life is when its cut short and how precious time is when there isn’t enough. Through my experience I have found and been blessed with a great ministry to speak to others. A ministry that has helped others find their way through their very tough and tragic experience. Believing now that life is what you make it, I live my life treating others like they have just been through my experience, cherishing every moment with the people that are still with me, and handing every situation that comes in my life to God. I believe also that death is what you make it. Death, no matter how tragic, is beautiful and the beginning of life, life with no more death or destruction.
Through the tragedy of losing my daughter, I have found new life. A life filled with love and care for the loved ones still here with me, treating other’s lives as precious as my own, and cherishing every moment as if it could be the last. This prospective has helped me on my journey of grief in finding the light.
*{{Snow Day}}*
Living in Washington, you get excited when the weather calls for snow. Michael and I desided to go grocery shopping friday morning. Lets just say Wal-Mart was PACKED with people getting ready for the snow. It makes me laugh! Michael was getting frustrated with all the people around but I just smiled at everyone.. I was quite amused. The snow started falling around 9 o'clock and didn't stop until 8ish this morning. Michael had to work last night and thank God he made it home safely. Usually when I worry I tend to clean or cook. So needless to say, Michael got a hot breakfast this morning. :)
I took Dylan outside and we took a picture of the house and walked around a bit before going back inside, to stay the rest of the day. Here are a few pictures we took...
This is Dylan, bundled up and ready to go outside!
This is our home!
I took Dylan outside and we took a picture of the house and walked around a bit before going back inside, to stay the rest of the day. Here are a few pictures we took...
This is Dylan, bundled up and ready to go outside!
This is our home!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Is there HOPE?!
I just sent a message to my friend... it read... 'Tassels is closed and I don't know how much longer my parents are going to be together'. The sadest message I think I've sent someone. In this situation I see Satan working...
My father isn't a people person. He works so hard and comes home to his recliner, laptop, and dog. He separates himself. I remember growing up, my father would come home and we would all rush to the door to greet him and fight over who would be the one to take off his boots. His boots smelled like saw dust, which now is one of my favorite smells.. its a smell that brings me comfort. He and my mother raised us to love the Lord.
My father's 50th birthday was yesterday. My mother had wanted to take him out to eat and it ended up being her and my sisters going. After getting home, my father basically broke it off with my mother... saying, 'He would never be able to be the man he once was.'.. the man she married.
My father has had a lot of hurts in his life. He always feels like he has to be a protector and keep every situation under control. After my sister, Kristen, decided to choose living her life worldly, after Lilly passed away, after my sister, Katherine started having seizures, and after Kenneth Copeland says,'When someone dies, its because you didn't have enough faith.'.. my father has turned to drinking to cover all his hurts. With this has opened the door in his heart for Satan to enter. This is why I stress surrendering. Surrendering all your hurts to God will help to heal your heart. The Lord doesn't want us to deal with hurts on our own.
My mother goes to church every sunday without my father by her side. My mother and father NEVER go out to eat or do anything together. It hurts me to see my mom upset or unhappy. I'm 25 years old and the thought of my parents getting a divorce hurts SO bad. I don't care how old a child is, it hurts to have your parents separate. I know that if my parents were to get a divorce they wouldn't get married again.
All my life my father has taught me to turn to God for help...
Lord, I'm pleading for your help and your strength. I know you love my father and I pray, Lord, he will surrender all the hurts he is feeling to you. I pray he will also realize You are the only one who will fulfill all the desires of his heart and that alcohol will always be a temporary fix. It has hurt me to see the person who raised me to you, Lord, fall in Satan's trap. Please give me the knowledge to know what to do and strength to get through this trail set before me. I know in this situation, Lord, that my mom will be okay but I pray you will continue to give her your strength and your peace. Amen-
My father isn't a people person. He works so hard and comes home to his recliner, laptop, and dog. He separates himself. I remember growing up, my father would come home and we would all rush to the door to greet him and fight over who would be the one to take off his boots. His boots smelled like saw dust, which now is one of my favorite smells.. its a smell that brings me comfort. He and my mother raised us to love the Lord.
My father's 50th birthday was yesterday. My mother had wanted to take him out to eat and it ended up being her and my sisters going. After getting home, my father basically broke it off with my mother... saying, 'He would never be able to be the man he once was.'.. the man she married.
My father has had a lot of hurts in his life. He always feels like he has to be a protector and keep every situation under control. After my sister, Kristen, decided to choose living her life worldly, after Lilly passed away, after my sister, Katherine started having seizures, and after Kenneth Copeland says,'When someone dies, its because you didn't have enough faith.'.. my father has turned to drinking to cover all his hurts. With this has opened the door in his heart for Satan to enter. This is why I stress surrendering. Surrendering all your hurts to God will help to heal your heart. The Lord doesn't want us to deal with hurts on our own.
My mother goes to church every sunday without my father by her side. My mother and father NEVER go out to eat or do anything together. It hurts me to see my mom upset or unhappy. I'm 25 years old and the thought of my parents getting a divorce hurts SO bad. I don't care how old a child is, it hurts to have your parents separate. I know that if my parents were to get a divorce they wouldn't get married again.
All my life my father has taught me to turn to God for help...
Lord, I'm pleading for your help and your strength. I know you love my father and I pray, Lord, he will surrender all the hurts he is feeling to you. I pray he will also realize You are the only one who will fulfill all the desires of his heart and that alcohol will always be a temporary fix. It has hurt me to see the person who raised me to you, Lord, fall in Satan's trap. Please give me the knowledge to know what to do and strength to get through this trail set before me. I know in this situation, Lord, that my mom will be okay but I pray you will continue to give her your strength and your peace. Amen-
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
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