I'm speechless!

Okay so I'm in shock! For Christmas this year I got a kindle, a Northface Jacket, Guy Harvey shirts, and two positive pregnancy tests. Yes.. baby #3 is on the way! At first I was a little sad (and this makes me feel bad) because I had this pregnancy planned out. I was going to get into the LPN Program, graduate, get a great job, possible sell our house, and then have another baby. I guess God had another plan. I admit, and I don't want anyone to get upset with me because I'm upset with myself, I cried when I found out and few days after.

Even though I had a healthy baby after Lilly, I still can't help being a little apprehensive and scared about this pregnancy. My first doctors appointment was Thursday January 6 and it went well. Oh course I was offered Genetic testing again. I guess once high risk always high risk. And again I refused all genetic testing except ultrasounds. Whether this baby is healthy or not, this is my child and a precious gift. No genetic testing will truely prepare you to leave the hospital with empty arms.

After my appointment, I felt a little down. I am not sad about being pregnant, I am sad about possibly having to put off school another year. I refuse to be sad about being pregnant because just like Lilly and Dylan, this baby deserves my happiness and excitment.

Michael and I have already picked out names! Girl: Faith Elizabeth Knox and Boy: Tanner John Knox

Faith Elizabeth is the name I picked out and I have been praying over since Lilly passed away. Her name means Trust consecrated to God. I believe it has taken my faith in God to get me through so much in the past 4 years and her name is dedicated to that faith and struggle.

Can you tell by now that I'm hoping for a girl? :)

*((Fort Dylan))*

For those days of pure discontent and pulling hair out.. a couch cushion fort will calm anyone's nerves for about 30 minutes. :)

I don't know about the imagination your fort brings but Dylan's fort is our protection from huge blue dragons.. let me not forget about the green ones, they breathe purple fire. Love when the imagination runs wild. I'll write a story later. Time for me to hit the sack! Goodnight all and God Bless!

Walk for Life

Wow! It has certainly been a while since the last time I have written.

I will be participating and the Walk for Life for the local Pregnancy Center on May 15th. I'm really excited about this because I am so passionate about mothers choosing LIFE for their unborn babies. Not only choosing LIFE but getting the support and counseling they need. I will of course be walking in memory of my Lilly and in honor of my Dylan. Everything I do revolves around them both. :)If anyone is intersted in sponsoring my walk please email me with your name, address, and commitment. Even if your commitment is $1.. every dollar matters! The Carolina Pregnancy will send you a bill of the commitment amount. My goal is $1000 and I have set this goal high because this is very important to me.

*Dylan Update*
Dylan had his 9 month doctor's appointment yesterday. He weighs 19lbs and is 28 inches in length. Growing up! He had to get a shot and he wasn't too happy but got over it pretty fast. I asked the doctor if it was normal that he wasn't crawling or even making a attempt to try. And she says she is seeing it more and more now a days because of back sleeping. People always tell me, I don't want him to crawl because he will be all over the place and I will have to keep my eye on him ALL the time... well I just want my child to meet his milestones when he is suppose to. He is trying to pull up of furniture, which scares me because he falls and hits his head everytime I'm not there to catch him.

Letter to Lilly

Dear Lilly,

I miss you so much! Daddy misses you also. I can't believe it has almost been three years since you were born. Today, your little brother Dylan and I went to Tassels and bought a beautiful stone planter to put behind your gravestone. I can't wait to fill it with a beautiful spring flower arrangement. When I think of you, I think of all things beautiful.

Kristen Etheridge, a friend of your Aunt Kristen, had to give a presentation about abortion in one of her classes. She could not help but speak about you. Here is the message she sent me..

"Elizabeth,
I hope you, Michael, and Dylan are doing good! I just wanted to let you know I had to do a group project about abortions in different religions in a class, and I told your story about Lilly. I wasn't planning on it but the subject of medical abortions came up during the discussion. I explained how a lot of the doctors at BSOM encouraged you to have an abortion but you didn't. Then told everyone how you and Michael spent 6 precious hours with Lilly that you wouldn't trade for anything. The professor asked me today if I would ask you if he could use your story in one of his other classes. I told him I would ask you.

Kristen"

This is God encouraging me through friends. Lilly, you are such a wonderful inspiration. And of course my answer to her teacher was 'yes'. I want everyone to know all about how wonderful you are! After I thanked Kristen for telling her class about you, she sent me this message which is such a great encouragment..

"You are welcome! I think it's amazing that you gave her the gift of life! You are an amazing woman!" - Kristen Etheridge

God has put so many great people in my life! I wish you could have met your brother, Dylan. He is such a sweet baby. He has two teeth now and he does this fake smile that makes me laugh so hard I cry. :) Because of you, I cherish every moment I have with the ones I love. Baby girl, I love and I miss you so much. I can't wait to tell Dylan all about his older sister.

Love,
Mommy

Oh.. the Aggravation with Myself

in the gutter by clc12123 on Polyvore.com

As you probably all have realized.. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up! DO I want to be a nurse? Medical Sonographer? Medical Lab Tech? Jewelry Maker? Crafter? Store Owner? Mary Kay Saleswomen? And unfortunately my list of possible careers goes on and on and.. on. I hate being a 'wishy washy' person! I wish I was the type of person who just goes with it and completes it. What is wrong with me?

A Women of Character! <-- I want to be!

I have devoted my time between 6am and 8am to bible study. My bible study consists of...
1. watching a sermon at www.newspring.org {{Which by the way the sermons are AWESOME}}
2. Taking my notes and writing the bible verses down.
3. Studying the bible verses

Today I watched week 2 of the series 'Beautiful'. WONDERFUL sermon! I never realized that the way I talk to my husband and about my husband has really effected our relationship. Pastor Perry spoke about 'The words we speak are a reflection of our hearts.' It's so true. I am constantly using my words to tear Michael down instead of bring him up.

WORDS!!!

Proverbs 12:4
"Agood wife is like a crown for her husband but a disgraceful wife is like a disease in his bones."

Proverbs 26:20
"Without wood, a fire will go out, and without gossip, quarreling with stop." <-- This verse really made me realize that everytime I speak negatively about Michael, it keeps my negative feeling alive. That is why forgiveness is the only way to settle disputes.

INTENTIONS!!!

"It doesn't always have to be about you!" Very hard quote for me to grasp. :(

Proverbs 5:18-19
"Be happy with the wife you married when you were young. She gives you joy, as your fountain give you water. She is lovely and graceful as a deer. Let her love always and make you happy; let her love always hold you captive."

FORGIVENESS!!

Forgive and forget! Satan brings up old bad memories to make you hate or to harm your relationship with you husband or wife. I know, Satan hates marriage and he will do everything in his power to kill, steal, and destroy.

Colossians 3:13
"Bear with each other, and forgive eah other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because God forgave you."

EXPECTATIONS!!!

How can you pray over all your husband's faults and sins when you haven't and wont even pray for your own?!

Proverbs 19:13
"A foolish child brings disaster to a father, and a quarreling wife is like dripping water."

Proverbs 21:9
"It is better tolive in a corner on the roof than inside the house with a quarreling wife."

Proverbs 21:19
"It is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarreling and complaining wife."

WOW! I never realized how bad it really is to live with someone like that! All I know is I don't want to be that kind of wife. I want to be a Wife of Character. I want my beauty to show not only from the outside but inside as well.

Finding Light

Finding Light
By: Elizabeth Knox
“Loss leaves us empty- but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes, it seems impossible- but new joys wait to fill the void.” -Pat Brown I believe that everything happens for a reason. Before the death of my daughter, I believed that nothing bad or tragic, would or could ever happen to me. Never again will I ever think that. Death, grief, tragedy, and despair are happening to people everyday, we need to find the spiritual reason to see the light through the long dark tunnel.
In the beginning, my grief started months before the death of my daughter. After many ultrasounds and Specialist visits, I was told that my daughter, Lilly, had a rare chromosome disorder called Trisomy 18. The Specialist explained that Lilly was incompatible for life and that she would be born too early or that she would be stillborn. For months, even though my heart was hurt and my eyes were filled with tears, I cherished every little kick with great comfort in knowing that she was alive. It was almost like her little way of telling me “Mommy, don’t cry! I’m still here!”. I would pray every night, “Lord, I don’t know your plan for Lilly’s life but I pray that me and my family will be able to hold her alive and that she will be born to term”. I put all my faith in God, that my prayers would be answered.
In six hours I had the best day of my life with the birth of my daughter and I also had the worst day of my life with the death of my daughter. On October 26, 2007 at 10:40 pm, my daughter Lilly was born to term and alive. Looking in Lilly’s eyes, I felt how much she loved me and how much I loved her. After giving birth, the instant connection and love between a mother and her baby is so strong, so true, and so pure. To have that love taken from you is devastating. Lilly passed away on October 27, 2007 at 4:40am. The grief that I felt after losing Lilly was so overwhelming that I was blinded by devastation. I felt so angry, betrayed, as though my world had completely been ripped apart. All the dreams and the things I wanted to do with my daughter, like braid her hair, comfort her and hold her when she didn’t feel good, give her kisses and pray with her before she went to sleep, were ripped away from me like they had no meaning. My daughter’s death made me realize so many things and it completely changed my prospective on life and death.
“Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.” -Anon How precious life is when its cut short and how precious time is when there isn’t enough. Through my experience I have found and been blessed with a great ministry to speak to others. A ministry that has helped others find their way through their very tough and tragic experience. Believing now that life is what you make it, I live my life treating others like they have just been through my experience, cherishing every moment with the people that are still with me, and handing every situation that comes in my life to God. I believe also that death is what you make it. Death, no matter how tragic, is beautiful and the beginning of life, life with no more death or destruction.
Through the tragedy of losing my daughter, I have found new life. A life filled with love and care for the loved ones still here with me, treating other’s lives as precious as my own, and cherishing every moment as if it could be the last. This prospective has helped me on my journey of grief in finding the light.

*{{Snow Day}}*

Living in Washington, you get excited when the weather calls for snow. Michael and I desided to go grocery shopping friday morning. Lets just say Wal-Mart was PACKED with people getting ready for the snow. It makes me laugh! Michael was getting frustrated with all the people around but I just smiled at everyone.. I was quite amused. The snow started falling around 9 o'clock and didn't stop until 8ish this morning. Michael had to work last night and thank God he made it home safely. Usually when I worry I tend to clean or cook. So needless to say, Michael got a hot breakfast this morning. :)

I took Dylan outside and we took a picture of the house and walked around a bit before going back inside, to stay the rest of the day. Here are a few pictures we took...






This is Dylan, bundled up and ready to go outside!






This is our home!

Wine Anyone?

I've realized that painting wine glasses is {{SUPER}} fun!

Lily themed:

My Big Surprise

I still can't believe this is the 3rd Christmas without my little Lilly. Michael and I were going to lunch a few days before Christmas and afterwards he wanted to show me something. He drove me to the cemetary and there above her grave stone sat a cute candycane decoration. He had gone out earlier that morning and bought it for Lilly and to surprise me. It made me so happy! This was the first time we were really able ($)to put something at her gravesite. Under my sunglass I couldn't help by cry. This really meant so much to me.

{{MADE it to the Treasury on Etsy.com}}

I am so excited! I know you might be thinking, 'Big Deal', but to me its a really Big Deal. :) I made it to the Treasury on Etsy.com. Check it out!
http://www.etsy.com/treasury_list_west.php?room_id=77948

Everyone Meet {{Sally}}

Hello Everyone! Meet Sally. She is a special little Owl for a special little princess. This princess is my neice Kaylee. Sally soon will be wrapped up and put under my tree! :)

*{Special Order}* Bows Today!

My bows will make a wonderful gift for Christmas! Please special order your bows today!

***Contact me by email and put 'blogbows' in the subject section of the email and you will get each bow for $5.00 each (originally $9.00).
email: e.k.designs@live.com

In your email I need this info:

Name
Address
Quantity of Bows
Ribbon color and/or style
Payment of check, money order, or paypal

**Please know that I will not be shipping your order until payment is recieved.

{Here are a few examples of my bows}