Outreach

This my sister, Sarah Grace! I use to HATE when my sister, Sarah, would 'preach' to me. I would think,'She thinks she is better then me'.. I didn't recognize she was trying to express her love and concern, instead I thought she was being judgemental. What a great way to reach out to people?! Without saying anything, you minister by writing your testimony on cardboard. "I Was Blind" I can relate to this cardboard sign in SO many ways...

Many people have been where I was. When I was 20 years old, I lived in Greenville, NC, downtown of all areas. It was the first time I had ever gone clubbing. Which after the first time, I had to go every weekend and then it was every thursday, friday, and saturday nights. I remember one night getting so drunk in a club, I got sick in the bathroom. {{EMBARRASSING}} That is just the beginning! I threw up in a trashcan walking out of the club with a line of people trying to get in. Um.. {{SUPER EMBARRASSING}}Then I passed out in the arms of my roommate's boyfriend's arms and a Cop walks by and I have huge {{Xs}} on my hands. He tells them to get me home and kept walking. I got really lucky. :( I don't remember anything from that night. My roommate told me a lot of things I had done and I felt SO ashamed. I ended up throwing up the whole day. <-- Now I look back at this and ask myself 'Was all this worth it?'. Does it sound like it was worth it?!

I quit drinking at 21 years old.. I know {{WEIRD}}. My boyfriend, Michael, said he didn't like 'drunk girls'. So, I quit for him! We ended up living together and in March of 2007 I found myself pregnant. As someone who never thought much about abortion, it was the first thought I had. My thoughts were, I would rather have an abortion then tell my parents or even Michael. Michael was very supportive and comforting. The parents were upset but eventually came around. We debated on what we were going to name our baby. Michael would choose the boy's name and I the girl's. Our first ultrasound we found out we were having a girl and her name would be Lilly. We found out through an amniocentisis Lilly had Trisomy 18 and would not live. That is the moment I got down on my knees after years of avoiding God. And I prayed to Him like I have never prayed before.

When I started building my relationship with the Lord, I found comfort and strength and Love. He opened my eyes and my heart to so many things. Abortion was the biggest issue. I had no choice in my situation. As bad as I wanted my little Lilly to live the Lord had other plans for her. This I have to say was just the beginning. While holding my daughter, I prayed the Lord would take me instead of her. WOW! To give your life for someone else. I never would have imagined myself capable. I realized that is how much the Lord loves us that He gave His only son to die on the cross for ME. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that LOVE! When I started living my life down the path God set for me, I have found a lot of ease through my walk. The path gets a little bumpy but its a test of my faith.. and He gives me the strength to continue walking with ease. The opportunities are endless through Him....

Walk for Life

Wow! It has certainly been a while since the last time I have written.

I will be participating and the Walk for Life for the local Pregnancy Center on May 15th. I'm really excited about this because I am so passionate about mothers choosing LIFE for their unborn babies. Not only choosing LIFE but getting the support and counseling they need. I will of course be walking in memory of my Lilly and in honor of my Dylan. Everything I do revolves around them both. :)If anyone is intersted in sponsoring my walk please email me with your name, address, and commitment. Even if your commitment is $1.. every dollar matters! The Carolina Pregnancy will send you a bill of the commitment amount. My goal is $1000 and I have set this goal high because this is very important to me.

*Dylan Update*
Dylan had his 9 month doctor's appointment yesterday. He weighs 19lbs and is 28 inches in length. Growing up! He had to get a shot and he wasn't too happy but got over it pretty fast. I asked the doctor if it was normal that he wasn't crawling or even making a attempt to try. And she says she is seeing it more and more now a days because of back sleeping. People always tell me, I don't want him to crawl because he will be all over the place and I will have to keep my eye on him ALL the time... well I just want my child to meet his milestones when he is suppose to. He is trying to pull up of furniture, which scares me because he falls and hits his head everytime I'm not there to catch him.

Finding Light

Finding Light
By: Elizabeth Knox
“Loss leaves us empty- but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes, it seems impossible- but new joys wait to fill the void.” -Pat Brown I believe that everything happens for a reason. Before the death of my daughter, I believed that nothing bad or tragic, would or could ever happen to me. Never again will I ever think that. Death, grief, tragedy, and despair are happening to people everyday, we need to find the spiritual reason to see the light through the long dark tunnel.
In the beginning, my grief started months before the death of my daughter. After many ultrasounds and Specialist visits, I was told that my daughter, Lilly, had a rare chromosome disorder called Trisomy 18. The Specialist explained that Lilly was incompatible for life and that she would be born too early or that she would be stillborn. For months, even though my heart was hurt and my eyes were filled with tears, I cherished every little kick with great comfort in knowing that she was alive. It was almost like her little way of telling me “Mommy, don’t cry! I’m still here!”. I would pray every night, “Lord, I don’t know your plan for Lilly’s life but I pray that me and my family will be able to hold her alive and that she will be born to term”. I put all my faith in God, that my prayers would be answered.
In six hours I had the best day of my life with the birth of my daughter and I also had the worst day of my life with the death of my daughter. On October 26, 2007 at 10:40 pm, my daughter Lilly was born to term and alive. Looking in Lilly’s eyes, I felt how much she loved me and how much I loved her. After giving birth, the instant connection and love between a mother and her baby is so strong, so true, and so pure. To have that love taken from you is devastating. Lilly passed away on October 27, 2007 at 4:40am. The grief that I felt after losing Lilly was so overwhelming that I was blinded by devastation. I felt so angry, betrayed, as though my world had completely been ripped apart. All the dreams and the things I wanted to do with my daughter, like braid her hair, comfort her and hold her when she didn’t feel good, give her kisses and pray with her before she went to sleep, were ripped away from me like they had no meaning. My daughter’s death made me realize so many things and it completely changed my prospective on life and death.
“Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.” -Anon How precious life is when its cut short and how precious time is when there isn’t enough. Through my experience I have found and been blessed with a great ministry to speak to others. A ministry that has helped others find their way through their very tough and tragic experience. Believing now that life is what you make it, I live my life treating others like they have just been through my experience, cherishing every moment with the people that are still with me, and handing every situation that comes in my life to God. I believe also that death is what you make it. Death, no matter how tragic, is beautiful and the beginning of life, life with no more death or destruction.
Through the tragedy of losing my daughter, I have found new life. A life filled with love and care for the loved ones still here with me, treating other’s lives as precious as my own, and cherishing every moment as if it could be the last. This prospective has helped me on my journey of grief in finding the light.

My Big Surprise

I still can't believe this is the 3rd Christmas without my little Lilly. Michael and I were going to lunch a few days before Christmas and afterwards he wanted to show me something. He drove me to the cemetary and there above her grave stone sat a cute candycane decoration. He had gone out earlier that morning and bought it for Lilly and to surprise me. It made me so happy! This was the first time we were really able ($)to put something at her gravesite. Under my sunglass I couldn't help by cry. This really meant so much to me.